Here's My Heart Read online

  Table of Contents

  Chapter One

  Chapter Two

  Chapter Three

  Chapter Four

  Chapter Five

  Chapter Six

  Chapter Seven

  Chapter Eight

  Chapter Nine

  Chapter Ten

  Chapter Eleven

  Chapter Twelve

  Epilogue

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  Here’s my Heart

  MMF Bisexual Menage Romance

  Maxene Novak

  Cover Designed by Duong Covers

  Contents

  Chapter One

  Chapter Two

  Chapter Three

  Chapter Four

  Chapter Five

  Chapter Six

  Chapter Seven

  Chapter Eight

  Chapter Nine

  Chapter Ten

  Chapter Eleven

  Chapter Twelve

  Epilogue

  If you enjoyed this book, check out some of my other books!

  Chapter One

  The lights dim as I take center stage. The fans overhead kick on, making my hair whip wildly as the guitarist strums the riff to our opening song. A deep thrumming bass and the solid crash of symbols are my cue as the stage lights flash before me. I close my eyes for a moment as my feminine, yet deeper, raspy voice echoes in my ears.

  I know that when the bell tolls,

  They'll be coming for me first.

  I promised you my everything

  but everything in my life hurts.

  We wish it could be simple,

  but we thrive on complicated

  I can't be the one you want

  though my heart is dedicated

  There's twists and turns and the future's unclear

  How can we make this our life

  When nothing's left for us here?

  Turn the page

  Leave it all behind

  If I hold you back

  You can let go this time

  Blow me away

  Steal my wings

  Lose it all as you fall

  my fragile, broken thing.

  BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!

  I sit up with a start and clutch my pillow just a little tighter.

  “Just a little longer,” I pout, head butting my pillow.

  The persistent alarm pulls me from my dreamy state and brings me back to reality. I quickly grab the pen and paper from the bedside table to write down the lyrics I'd sung in my dream. Honestly, I've been working on similar lyrics for days now and this is the first time I've had any real breakthrough.

  I just feel stuck. Like there's a brick wall between the sections in my brain that link words to songs and I've climbed almost to the top, but then realized I'm afraid of heights. It's driving me crazy.

  I try to write about things I know about or something I've been through. Maybe my life has just gotten—boring. When I finish writing, I lie back in my bed with a sigh. Then I glance over at my clock it's—one o'clock!?

  I jump out of bed and look outside. I immediately regret that decision because it's so bright out. My phone starts beeping again and when I grab it, I realize that I'd set it to one instead of ten o'clock this morning.

  “Great,” I sigh, shutting off my alarm, “I'm late.”

  I pick up my phone and call my friend Adam.

  “Hey, Super-Nova!” he says on the first ring. “About time you woke up.”

  “Oh, God, I'm sorry!” I reply, rubbing the sleep out of my eye. “Someone must have let me set my own alarm again.”

  Adam laughs. “Nah, I did that. After the show last night, I nicked your phone and set it for now. You needed the sleep and we figured a later practice would be fine.”

  “Thanks for telling me, ass!” I retort, taking a deep breath. “I thought I missed it!”

  Adam continues to laugh on the other end as if it's the best prank ever.

  “You're good,” he replies. “Get over here when you can, we're waiting for you.”

  “Thanks, Adam,” I say before hanging up.

  He's so sweet. Adam has been my best friend since fourth grade and we started this band when we were sixteen. The cool thing about it is we're actually starting to get somewhere. Kind of.

  I play the guitar and Adam is my back up. He's kind of a jack of all trades. His parents encouraged his artistic side while I was only allowed to do it as an extracurricular-after school-teach myself kind of thing. Luckily for me, Adam would share what he learned and while I'm okay at other stuff, I really found myself in the guitar.

  I got lucky that my family allowed the whole band thing. More than anything, it's because they thought it was cute and something normal teenagers should do. I'm twenty-five now and I think I'm in it for the long haul, sorry Dad.

  He wanted me for what all parents want. Bright and stable future, driving an SUV with a handsome man on my arm and, a house full of kids. He got most of what he wants. I mean sure, I drive a minivan, but I have three handsome men at my side and most kids love me. I have fans all over Youtube and their kids, adoreme. But my own kids? No, thanks. I have all the traits of a frantic mother that just stopped giving a damn. You know, the one that leaves the house in her pajamas—which I do anyway—her hair is disheveled from children pulling on it all day. Going grocery shopping in my booty shorts, a hoodie, a messy ponytail and sunglasses to hide the bags under my eyes, because children never sleep. A dream life, right?

  Again, no thanks. I'm good for now. I'm enjoying life as it is. My band is getting some recognition. I mean, Adam and I have been playing in the local bars since we were seventeen. We've had members come and go, but luckily I live in Chicago and there's so many talented people living here.

  So far, our current line-up has lasted the longest and we have never sounded so good. We even have a bit of a following on social media and YouTube. My life consists of working nights at one of the hottest nightclubs in town and practicing with my band, Nova Rose.

  They decided to name the band after me and Adam's last name is Rose, but the name sounded so good we just went along with it. I guess, it's since we are the original line-up and we're still going. The fans love the new name and we've since gained a thousand more followers this month. It's kind of epic.

  I pull on a pair of jeans, throw on a bra and tank top, lace up my shoes and rush out the door. When I jump in the van, I crank it to a start and hit the road to Adam's house. We meet up at his place because his parents are loaded and let us use their pool house to practice. Comes stocked daily with a case of beer. I love my second mother.

  I drive the three blocks to his house. Yeah, I'm that girl. He's quick to come out and greet me with the rest of our band mates. There are currently five of us in the group. It was going to just be four but we couldn't decide between two guitarists and so placed me on lead vocals.

  We have Chad as our lead guitarist. Kyle replaced Adam on rhythm guitar while he took over drums, and last but not least, we have Bryan on the bass. They're all really great guys and we've all become a little family.

  “Hey, Nova,” Bryan says, giving me a warm smile.

  He's always so quiet and reserved but his mad bass lines speak for him. He's kind of an animal on stage.

  “Hey, B,” I reply, squeezing his arm as we walk around the side of the house.

  “Get anywhere on our new number?” he asks dutifully. “I want to see what I'm working with.”

  “Not really,” I admit with a sigh. “Had a pretty vivid dream though and stole those lyrics.”

  “It's probably some Canadian, alt rock band'
s lyrics,” he says with a playful smirk.

  Damn, he could be right. I wouldn't want to steal someone's song.

  “Shit, do you think we should Sound Hound it?” I ask looking over the page of lyrics in my notebook.

  He cackles and throws an arm around my neck.

  “Dude, I'm just joking,” he laughs. “You're taking this way too seriously. You need to unwind.”

  “I know just how to do it,” Chad says as we walk into the pool house.

  He runs over to his guitar, hoisting the leather studded guitar strap around his shoulder and cranks on his amp. He begins slamming the opening riff to “This is the Time (Ballast)” by Nothing More. The rest of my band mates rush to their equipment and join in.

  “Come on, Nova!” Chad calls and I jog over to the mic.

  I let myself get lost in the words and the music—just enjoying a good moment to let out some steam. Sure, I'm a girl, but my range is deeper than a lot of girls I know and I pack a fiercely heavy growl. I discovered that I could do screaming vocals when I was eighteen.

  It was kind of a heat of the moment kind of moment. I didn't get into the school I wanted, the band was splitting up, my parents were pissed at me, and it all just came spilling out. At a pivotal point in the song I just let myself scream the words.

  I've never felt so good in my life and I haven't looked back since. If it fits in the song, it goes in. My voice is deep with a bit of an edge to it. It's taken years to find my voice and honestly, I love it and I get to sing with the boys. More fun for me.

  “Walking blind!” I scream at the tail end of the song and rock out with Bryan to the closing riff.

  The guys hoot and holler as I take a bow and flip my long dark hair out of my face. I take a deep breath to enjoy the energy and just feel myself relax. This is my element where I feel the most like myself.

  “That was awesome,” Chad admires, messing with his platinum blonde faux hawk. “That should be our next opening.”

  “Come on, guys,” I reply, placing the mic back in its place. “We're not a cover band.”

  “Nooo…” Adam says, tilting his head, “but all good bands do a cover and this one showcases your vocal uniqueness.”

  “As long as everyone is cool with it, you know I don't care,” I reply.

  “So, are we going to discuss the new music video?” Kyle asks, fiddling with his distortion pedal.

  “We don't even have a new song yet,” Adam huffs.

  “I still think…” Kyle responds, with a guitar pick between his teeth, “we should shoot it in Millennial Park—or down in Oz.”

  “Like that will happen,” Chad scoffs, cracking open a beer. “There's no way we'll get permission for that.”

  “Well, while you're all pissing and moaning…” Kyle remarks, grabbing Chad's beer and taking a long drink, “I'm going to make some phone calls. Nova! Make sure those lyrics are Millennial Park worthy.”

  “I'll—try?” I sigh, turning my attention back to the notebook in my hand.

  “No,” he says as he walks to the door, “you will. You got this, Super-Nova.”

  He puts on his sunglasses and struts out the door, whipping his cell phone out of his pocket. He quickly disappears around the corner and everyone looks at me.

  “Where's he going?” Bryan asks.

  I just shrug my shoulders, throwing up my hands innocently.

  “Who knows?” Adam replies. “It's alright though. Nova can fill in for him for right now. Let's just mess around, play off each other, and see if anything comes to mind.”

  “Sure,” I reply, letting my hands drop.

  I walk over to Kyle's guitar and strap it over my shoulders.

  “Here goes,” I mutter.

  I warm up with a few of my favorite riffs and sing along for my vocal warm ups. When I'm through, I just start strumming mindlessly with anything that might sound good. I like to feel the musical energy and let the words just come out, but it hasn't been working lately.

  I've had no inspiration whatsoever. I have no social life aside from these goofballs. No girl's night out, no love life to speak of—though I'm pretty sure the cute chick at the club would go out with me if I asked nicely, but since I like guys, I don't think that relationship would last very long.

  I need something interesting, something that ignites my inner passion. I know I have tons of it. I just can't seem to find it anywhere. Come on. What's important to you, Nova? World peace. Ugh. That's so generic. It's not a friggin' beauty pageant. Ugh! God! I need to think!

  Adam taps on his drum kit while Chad and Bryan mess around with a heavy bass line. The pool house fan blows in my face, a fly swirls around my head, the boys are laughing, static cracking, guitars wailing, the mic is squealing…

  “I can't think!” I sing while beating the guitar strings.

  “This practice stinks!” Chad joins in.

  “What else rhymes with think?!” Bryan asks, looking around at us.

  We laugh and jostle him around a bit.

  “Wink!” I reply, giving him a gentle shove. “Blink, link, kink.”

  I give him a playful wink at that one, making him grin mischievously.

  “Drink!” Chad adds, handing me a cup of warm tea.

  “Shrink,” Adam deadpans. “What we need in this room, right now.”

  “Yeah, sorry guys,” I kind of shrug apologetically and sip on my drink.

  They start talking among themselves when I take my tea to the couch. I take a drink and shut off the distortion. I want to hear something clean. Maybe that's my problem. I'm too clean. I never get my hands dirty, never fool around. I've never even tried marijuana. Just one big ball of boring with nothing to look forward to except my next gig.

  Hmm… Nothing to look forward to. I can work with that. I look down at the book full of lyrics strung all over the page with no real direction. I never realized until now that it's the perfect picture of my life. Right here, on just one page. No direction, no stable future, no clue what the hell I'm doing and it's starting to show.

  “Hold on, it's getting crazy

  We come to burn the night

  I'm coming up and out

  Up in your face and on your mind”

  I get up and join the boys. They look at me and go quiet.

  “Oh, yeah!” Adam exclaims, “She's got that look on her face!”

  “Do we have an award winner?” Bryan asks.

  “Uh…” I tune the guitar to a drop D. “Well—maybe.”

  I start off with a clean, easy E minor and move to stand in front of the mic.

  “Just join in if you want to,” I tell them. “I want to hear how this sounds.”

  I turn up the distortion a bit and add a little reverb. Then I sing my new set of lyrics and start over again to see if anything else comes to mind. Soon enough the boys join in with me while words begin to come forward.

  “I make a big impression

  Taking you out the fight

  Just leave your sick obsessions

  on the floor with me tonight”

  We mess around with the first two verses for a bit and tweak our riffs. Eventually, Kyle comes back to us and I show him the intro riffs. After a couple of hours, I manage to pull off a chorus with Adam throwing in some suggestions.

  “I think it's a good start,” Adam comments messing around on the drums. “We have all week to finish it, but it needs a bit more kick. Let's take a break and just unwind for a few.”

  The guys nod and shut off their equipment while I sit down on a stool in the center of the room. Chad and Bryan grab Kyle as they run outside and toss him in the pool while I sit in silence just trying to think. Adam pulls up a chair and sits down beside me, handing me a beer.

  “Thanks,” I sigh, taking a drink. “Maybe this will knock some lyrics loose.”

  “You need to not be so hard on yourself,” he says leaning against the chair. “So, what is it? I know something is on your mind.”

  I shake my head and set the beer on t
he floor beside me. “I don't know. At first, I thought it was just—depression, but it's not. It's truth and it's all right here.”

  “What is?” he asks and I hand him the notebook.

  “Look at this,” I tell him and he does. “It's all over the place, no direction, nothing substantial. It's like… somewhere, between rocking out and living, I forgot to actually live.”

  “What do you mean?” he asks.

  “I don't do anything. I mean, I play shows, I work, I go home, I practice, but there's nothing else. You and them—you're the only friends I have. Do you know I haven't been on a date since senior prom?”

  Adam laughs and takes my beer.

  “Oh, I know,” he replies, taking a drink. “I brought you a red corsage with a black sugar skull as the centerpiece. Fantastic dress. I didn't look too shabby myself.”

  “No, you didn't,” I giggle. “You look good in pinstripes.”

  He grins and shakes his head.

  “Look,” he says, grabbing my hand, “if it's life you want, go and get it. It's not going to come to you.”

  “How do I do that when I don't have anything going for myself?” I ask in frustration. “I have Nova Rose—and I love it. I just wish I'd have done some things differently like go to college like you did, go somewhere different and… I'm out of stories to tell is basically what I'm saying.”

  “You're lacking inspiration and experiences,” he states. “I think I can help with that.”

  “Yeah?” I definitely intrigued. “How so?”

  He turns a bit red and inhales deeply. “Come out with me,” he says, fidgeting with his hands. “Tonight. We'll go out, have fun.”

  “Okay,” I reply, suspicious. “What are you up to, Adam?”

  “Nothing,” he says innocently, “but it's a date—so dress to impress and we'll light up Chicago.”

  “A date?” I laugh and he crosses his arms defiantly. “With you?”

  “Why say it like that?” he asks sternly even as I’m shaking my head. “What's the hell's wrong with me?”

  “Not a damn thing.” I rest my head on his shoulder. “I just didn't expect you to ask.”